One Tequila, Two Tequila
by its-Rayning-men
Summary: Cam... Vala... a bottle of tequila. Rated M for second chapter.
1. Under the influence

AN: another Cam/Vala fic set early in season 10. this is just a little bit of fun so the characterisation isn't exactly spot on, the rating is for the next chapter. I'm trying my hand at 'funny' for a change, not somthing i do very often but i'm fed up with the doom and gloom i've been writting recently. For all of you looking for more DV stuff there will be somthing up next week.

My first shot at 'funny' and at somthing a little more adult than i've done before so let me know what you think.

Next chapter up in a few days.

***

"I brought you something." Vala stated as Cam opened the door to his apartment.

Cam looked slightly worried, for one thing, he didn't know how Vala had found out where he lived or how she had managed to escape the base to get here, and for another they hadn't exactly been talking to each other this past week. He could only hope that whatever she had brought wouldn't kill him.

His fears where alleviated, slightly, when he saw the brown paper bag containing a glass bottle that she held in one hand. She gave him a sheepish smile, "It's a peace offering."

"A peace offering?" he said, baffled, looking from the bottle to her as he let her into his apartment and guided her to the small dining table and they sat down.

"Well, not a peace offering, I suppose," she said as she placed the bottle on the table between them, "more of an apology for kicking you in the shin and calling you an infuriating bastard last week."

"I'd have thought if you were going to apologise for any of your," he cocked an eye brow at her, "colourful insults, the one about me being me a pathetic, evasive, self-serving, wanker is the more deserving."

"All right, " she said, but before she could get any further, he interrupted.

"Of course, you shouting that I'm more mouse than man was my particular favourite," he said with the beginning of a crass grin.

She let out an exasperated sigh, and he met her eye and grinned self-consciously, only too aware that in doing so he was letting her know that she was off the hook entirely. She smiled back and straightened up, adopting a look of entirely mock seriousness.

"I apologise for calling you a pathetic, self – "

"Evasive," he corrected. She glowered briefly at his correction, but he could tell she was desperately trying not to laugh.

"I apologise for calling you a pathetic, evasive, self-serving wanker, and an infuriating bastard, and shouting that you're more mouse than man."

"There's really no need," he said.

"Why not?"

He leant back further into his chair, surveying her and smiling slightly at the confused look on her face. "Well, for one thing, it's all true," he said. "I was being a pathetic, evasive, self-serving wanker, and probably an infuriating bastard to boot. I'm not sure it's fair to hold a grudge about things that are as obviously true as the fact that my eyes are blue."

"All right, then," she said, rolling her eyes at him, and then fixing him with a completely unnecessary look of contrition, "it's mostly an apology for kicking you in the shin."

She smiled brilliantly at him and, oddly, he found it more unnerving than if she'd glared. He looked away, his eyes flickering to the bottle of clear golden liquid and three limes now unveiled on the table. "What is it, anyway?" he asked, with not a little trepidation.

"Tequila."

"Ah," he said. "How appropriate." An evil though forming in his mind.

"Is it? Why?"

"Well, it's the traditional apology gift of the Mexican people." He told her trying very hard to keep the grin from his face.

"Really?" she said, face lighting up.

"No."

Her face slackened into a disappointed pout and he couldn't resist letting out a chuckle, wondering why he never became tired of his newest game. He let out another chuckle as he realised she had been completely correct in calling him an 'infuriating bastard'. He had been playing this game since she had came back from the Ori galaxy, giving her some piece of Earth trivia, waiting for her face to light up and ask him if it was true and then tell her it wasn't.

Definitely an infuriating bastard.

"Are we going to have a drink then, or what?" she said, smiling at him to let him know that he was, as always, forgiven for his teasing. He considered it for a minute before leaning forward and clearing the reports from the table, although if someone had put a gun to his head and demanded to know what he was reading on pain of death, he wasn't certain he'd have been able to remember.

"I'm not sure that's a very good idea," he said.

"Why not?"

"Because, as you've so kindly pointed out on many occasions, I'm boring. Boring people don't drink tequila."

"They do if they want to convince other people that they were wrong."

"What?" he said, looking up, interest piqued. Vala's face was sporting a rather teasing smile.

"Think of this as an opportunity to convince me once and for all that you're not as boring as I think you are," she said.

He felt his lips twitch and give him away. He knew he should probably say no, but he knew just as certainly that he wasn't going to.

"Well, when you put it like that…" He went to the kitchen to get them a couple of shot glasses, if they were going to do this then they were going to do it right.

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_First shot._

Cam hadn't drunk tequila since his college days and even then it had been a rare occurrence. Although he, Sam, and Teal'c had taken Daniel out just after they had lost her to the Ori galaxy and the night had ended in shots. Well, what he could remember of it had.

Vala refilled their glasses. "Erm..." he said, not sure if he was putting up a token protest or a real one. She raised her glass to her lips.

"If you don't drink it, you have to do a forfeit and do what I say." she said.

"What?"

"Drink or forfeit, those are your choices. I thought you understood the rules of the game," she said, lowering her glass again.

"To even have a chance of understanding the rules of the game princess I need to know that we're playing one," he said, raising an eyebrow at her.

She tutted at him. "All these years as a solider and you can't recognise a little drinking game when you see one?" she said. She studied him for a moment, eyes narrowed slightly. "Well, when one of us drinks, the other one drinks," she said adopting the same tone as someone would when talking to a five year old, "or you have to do a forfeit. First one under the table loses."

"Ah," he said.

She raised an eyebrow at him. " 'Ah' what?"

"I see."

"You see what?"

"This is how you ended up in Daniel's bed with no clothes on." He said, smirking as he reminded her of the rather embarrassing incident from a few months ago when she and Sam had gone out together and, on returning to the base, she had decided that Daniel's room, and bed, where far more appealing than her own and clothes weren't necessary. The following prank that Daniel had pulled on her in revenge had the whole base falling over in hysterics.

"No," she said tersely, and drank her shot. "That was vodka."

She looked from him to the small, golden liquid-filled glass on the table in front of him, not a small hint of challenge on her face. He eyed the glass too, knowing that if he drank this one he would have effectively accepted her challenge, and probably committed himself to half a bottle of tequila and a night with his head in the toilet.

All in the name of proving that he wasn't just a boring commanding officer, to someone whose opinion on his boringness really shouldn't matter to him in the slightest.

"What kind of forfeits are we talking about?" he said, leaning on his hand and rubbing his chin as he weighed up the situation he'd managed to get himself in.

"What?"

"Well," he said, waving his hand over the glass in question, "if I'm going to make an informed decision about whether I want to drink this or not, I'd like to know what the alternative is."

"All right," she said. She thought about it for a moment, biting her lip a little as she did so. "Either you drink that or you answer a question truthfully, once and for all."

"And what question would that be?" he asked, even though he suspected he already knew the answer.

"Do you fancy me or not?" she said, a cheeky grin forming on her face. She had been teasing him about it for almost two months and what had started off as lighthearted banter had turned into a quest on her part since he resolutely refused to answer her one way or the other.

He gave her half a smile, and swallowed his drink.

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_Two shots _

"Don't you think we should slow down?" he said, wiping his fingers on the knee of his trousers after Vala refilled their glasses and dribbled some on them.

"Do you?" she said.

"Yes."

"Well that's because you're the sensible one," she said.

"I suppose," he said, noting how weary his voice sounded, wondering why he minded the word 'sensible' so much when she said it.

"Don't you ever get tired of it?" she said.

"Of what?"

"Of always being so damned sensible, of always being in control and being right?"

"I'm not always right," he said, leaning forward in his chair. "Far from it."

"Give me an example," she said, "of when you've been wrong recently?"

"I've a feeling agreeing to this was very, very wrong," Cam muttered, and Vala grinned at him rather inexplicably.

"Actually," she said, "I think this is the most right thing you've done since we met."

He smiled back, wondering if she was right.

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_Three shots _

"I daresay I'll regret this in the morning," Cam said, fingering the freshly re-filled glass in his hand accusingly.

"Sometimes, Cam," Vala said, leaning forward on the table and peering directly at him, "It's fun to do things you think you might regret in the morning."

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_Four shots_

Cam was beginning to feel the effects. A kind of warm glow had settled in his stomach, and a fuzziness of thought ebbed through him.

"About these forfeits," he said, desperate for a distraction from the teasing look in her eyes. "Just for future reference, do they all have to be questions?"

"No," she said. "Dares would be perfectly acceptable."

"What kind of things are we talking about?"

"Well that would be up to the deviousness and discretion of the setter," she said, twitching her eyebrows at him, "which means that things don't look good for you."

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_Five shots_

Part of Cam's brain knew that no good would come of this. Unfortunately, a rather different part appeared to be in charge and it enjoyed Vala' company, liked teasing her, and enjoyed the way she teased him back in a way he often thought was tinged with flirtation. Even though the rest of his brain told that part that it had an overactive imagination, it didn't want to listen and was providing increasingly vociferous opposition the more he drank.

"Will you be disappointed when I out-drink you and you don't get to have your fun with me?" he said.

"What?" Vala said, looking up from the fingernail she'd been picking at with an expression of surprise.

"Well you've obviously got a major forfeit already planned," he said, slouching a little further down in his seat, "I'm a little intrigued to see what you've come up with. You've had awhile to plot, after all."

"Yes," she said looking rather pleased with herself. "I have."

"So what is it?"

"Oh it's good," she said, grinning and then chuckling quietly to herself.

"Aren't you worried," he said, raising an eyebrow at her, "that I could come up with something fairly devious myself?"

She scoffed. "As if," she said.

"I'm offended," he said, leaning forward to rest his elbow on the table and his chin on the heel of his hand. "I assumed my reputation had preceded me. Apparently not."

"Reputation?" she said. "What reputation?"

"Never mind," he said, and then on impulse, added "maybe I'll show you later."

She looked vaguely intrigued for a minute, but then shook her head and the expression disappeared. "I think I'll take my chances," she said, rather too dismissively for his liking. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"You know, the more you scoff the more devious I'll be."

"I'm pretty confident in my hollow-legged abilities," she said.

Cam took a long breath in, trying to quash his amusement as he remembered her behaviour the last time she had been drinking. "I'm no lightweight myself, I can handle my alcohol" he said. He delivered the line matter-of-factly, even though he could feel the effects seeping into his brain and wasn't sure he'd said the word 'alcohol' correctly.

"But there are exceptions," she said, grinning.

"Yeah," he said, staring ruefully at the table. "I've found that."

"And tequila," she said, "being a Earth contraption,"

"Concoction," he corrected, laughing. Vala peered at him from beneath a puzzled frown.

"What did I say?"

"Contraption."

She frowned a little deeper, swaying slightly in her seat and pouting in consternation with herself. "You're adorable when you're drunk," he said, and then joined in with a frown of his own when he realised he'd said it out loud. Vala grinned.

"I'm adorable all the time, you just haven't noticed," she said. Cam opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. "Anyway," she said. "Where was I?"

"No idea," he said, shaking his head and chuckling to himself.

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_Six shots_

"So what happened the last time you had Tequila?" she said.

"I'd rather not talk about it," he said.

"Oh come on," she said. "Don't be such a stick-in-the-mud."

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_Cam Seven - Vala Six_

"The last time, there may have been dancing," he said. "And some slight stripping."

"You?" she said, eyes wide.

"Yes."

"Stripping?"

"Slight stripping."

"Slight?" she said. "How do you strip slightly?"

He pointed at her untouched drink on the table, and she lifted it to her lips and drank it down. "Someone stopped me before I got too far," he said. "If you want the full story you'll have to ask Teal'c," he said, wincing at the images that danced through his mind. "My memory of the details is a little vague."

"Don't think I won't," she said, with a mischievous glint in her eye. "You don't suppose he thought to take any photos?"

Cam distracted himself by pouring them both another drink.

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_Eight shots_

Vala leaned forward, resting her head on both of her hands and drumming her fingers on her cheeks. She grinned at him, biting her lip at whatever thought she was having. "How much do I have to make you drink to get you to take your clothes off?" she said, twitching her eyebrows at him suggestively. Cam shot her a warning glare that he was pretty certain had no effect whatsoever. "Twice what you've had now?" she said, eying the bottle with consideration.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Just asking," she said, a slow smile of rather false innocence drawing its way across her mouth.

"You want me to take my clothes off?" he asked cautiously.

"Not necessarily," she said. "I might just have been asking for a general gauge of how much fun you're going to be."

"Oh."

She leant back and stretched, wiggling her shoulders around in their sockets before settling. "I'm going to take your 'oh', which I felt was ever so slightly tinged with disappointment, as a sign that you want me to want you to take your clothes off, though," she said, leaning forward and grinning at him impishly. "Just so you know."

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_Nine shots: for Cam, one for medicinal, shock-relieving, purposes. _

"Daniel didn't even think about taking advantage of me when I came back to base sloshed." Vala said.

Cam grinned, "Are you going to extend me the same courtesy princess?"

"Probably not."

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_Ten shots: for Cam, two for medicinal, shock-relieving, purposes._

"I know what we need." Vala grabbed the bag the bottle had been in and disappeared into the kitchen. A few moments later, after much banging of cupboards, Vala returned to the table with a salt shaker and several limes cut into wedges.

"Oh no," He told her, knowing exactly what she was suggesting.

"Just do it," she said, voice equal parts irritation and encouragement. He stared at her. "If you don't then I'll do it for you."

"Promises, promises," he said, without really thinking.

Vala gave him a wicked grin. She leaned over the table, exposing enough cleavage that Cam blushed, reached for his hand and raised it to her lips, her eyes never wavering from his. She lowered the tip of her tongue onto the back of his hand, licking it once, lightly. She shook the salt shaker over his hand, and then set it back on the table before sitting back in her chair. She considered him for a moment; one eyebrow raised in triumph and the barest hint of a smirk on her lips, before she grabbed one of the lime slices and threw it over to him.

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_Eleven shots: one with lime and salt addition_

"I take it this isn't a game you learned to play on Earth" he said, when he'd recovered from the shock of biting into the lime.

"Oh no," she said. "Learned to do this in a bar with my... third husband, although he wasn't my husband until the morning after. Except we used play another version where we'd put the salt – " Vala paused, sniggered at either the rather horrified expression he was pulling or the memory, and then shrugged. " – well, other places And it obviously wasn't with Tequila."

"If I beg, do you promise not to go into more detail?" he said. Vala gazed at him, her lips pursed and switching from side to side as she took him in.

"Hmm," she said.

"Hmm what?"

"Well, either you're jealous," Cam shifted in his seat a little as the weight of her stare seemed to increase his body temperature. "Or you really don't like me talking about that kind of thing."

"It's definitely the second option," he said.

Then he completely undid his words by laughing.

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_Twelve shots: for Cam, one more pleasant than the other owing to a slight confusion with the sequencing._

Cam screwed his eyes shut in a tight grimace. It wasn't nearly as pleasant with the salt last and the lemon first as the other way round.

He rested his elbow on the table again and leaned on it heavily, propping his head up with his hand. He spent a few moments contemplating how close his face seemed to be to the table, and then another couple contemplating saying something very, very stupid. "All right," he said. "I'm drunk enough."

Vala looked at him with glassy incomprehension and he realised that he'd had most of the significant part of this conversation in his own head. "To make up for being a wanker last week," he said, "I thought you could ask me something. Anything."

Vala narrowed her eyes at him slightly, considering him, scrutinising, he thought. "And you won't be an evasive infuriating bastard?"

He chuckled, tracing a pattern on the carpet with his bare foot. "I shall try my very best."

Vala sought his eyes and held his gaze as he looked up. "You know what I'm going to ask," she said.

"Oh, you're not going to ask that," he said, looking away again.

"I'm not?"

"No," he said. "Because the more you persist in wanting to know the answer, the more I think I was right all along about why you want to know, and we both know that you don't want me to think that."

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_Thirteen shots: three with lime and salt additions. _

"You know what I hate about you?" Vala said, into her lemon as she bit it, shaking her head a little at the taste.

"Aren't there a great many things?" he asked.

She let out a frustrated huff, tossing the remains of her slightly chewed lemon wedge at him. He ducked, laughing, even though her aim was off and it wouldn't have hit him anyway. It landed with a vague splat on the floor behind him. "Talking to you is like playing chess," she said, letting out a long exasperated, yet resigned, sigh.

Cam let out a confused chuckle, unable to decide whether that was the thing she hated about him or just an aside. "How so?"

"Well, it's like you're always thinking six moves ahead."

"Am I?"

"I don't see how else you can be doing it," she said.

"Doing what?"

"Doing what you just did," she said, gesturing at him with a wave of irritation. Cam propped his head up with his hand and gazed at her, unable to fully process any particularly cohesive thoughts. Vala narrowed her eyes at him. "But you know what I've noticed?" she said. He shook his head. "You only do it to me," she said, poking the table for emphasis, and then shaking her hand as if she'd poked a little bit harder than anticipated.

Cam's elbow slipped and his face was suddenly closer than before to the table. "Do I?" he said, sitting up, attempting to regain his poise.

"Yes," she said. "And I want to know why."

"Maybe I'm just an ass?"

"You're not," she said fervently, shaking her head to accentuate the point.

He considered his options for a moment. "Maybe I just don't like you very much," he said. He expected her to fly into some kind of rage, but she didn't. She just met his eye, smiling a little.

"We both know that's not true," she said.

He knew she'd rather effectively backed him into a corner and for a second he tried to come up with some lie, some witty retort, to get out of it, but he found he couldn't really be bothered.

Cam peered at her through unfocused eyes. "Maybe," he said, "the only reason I do it to you is because I know that the only reason you're even a little bit interested is that you can't quite figure me out."

A proverb about loose lips and ships sailed through his mind, and he wondered if he hadn't just said far, far too much.

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_Minutes passed in uncomfortable silence: six and a bit._

"Do you really think that?"

"Well," he said, "I've looked at it from a number of angles, and can't think of anything else."

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_More minutes passed in uncomfortable silence: two and three quarters._

"You think too much," Vala said.

"Did you ever consider," he said, "it's not me who thinks too much, but you who thinks too little?"

"No," she said, the word distinctly slurred. She swayed a little in her seat, pointing at him with her empty shot glass. "It's definitely you."

He laughed.

Vala slumped so far down in her chair that only her shoulders and head were visible above the table, and he wondered if she might slide off it entirely. "Do you ever have fun?" she asked, head lolling slightly to one side. He wasn't surprised by her sudden change of topic but he was too relieved that they weren't talking about what they had been talking about to comment.

"Of course I do."

"Fun not involving going through the gate?"

He glared at her playfully, even though he was desperately battling a grin. "I'm having fun now, actually," he said.

"Really?" she said, her face lighting up. Then she drew her forehead slowly into a frown, held up her hand to stop him replying and shook her head. "No, wait, don't answer that."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to do the thing you do – which is dead annoying, by the way – where you say something, and I say 'Really?' and then you say 'No'."

Cam fixed his eyes on the table, tracing the pattern of the grain with his eyes. "I wasn't going to say no," he said quietly.

"Oh."

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_Further minutes passed in uncomfortable silence: four and a half._

"You know it's all bollocks, don't you?" Vala said.

"What?" he said, looking up a little startled. "What is?"

"That the only reason I'm interested is because I can't figure you out."

Cam made a noise of disbelief somewhere in the back of his throat, raising his eyebrows at her as best he could with his drunken facial muscles.

"Because, Colonel," she continued, "I know you think you're some big mysterious enigma, but I can figure you out, and I have."

"Really?" he said, rubbing his forehead and slumping down onto his hand.

"Yes. You're not nearly half as complicated as you think you are."

"You think not?"

"No."

"No you don't think so or no you do?"

Her eyebrows darted together and lowered, and she looked at him open-mouthed for a moment. "What?" she said, tilting her head to one side in confusion.

"Nothing," he said, laughing slightly to himself at the look of utter befuddlement on her face. "Never mind. What have you figured out, then?" he said.

"Lots of things," she said, waving his question away. "I've figured out that if I got up and came round to your side of the table you'd completely freak out because you'd think I was going to try and kiss you. That's why I'm sitting over here. And I've figured out that the reason you won't say whether you fancy me or not is that you do, you just think you're not supposed to or that I wouldn't want you to, or something."

Cam covered his mouth with his hand, smiling into his fingers and breathing heavily against his knuckles. "Very perceptive," he said. "But no."

Vala' face fell, her forehead creased. "No what?" she said in a voice that was little more than a whisper.

"No I didn't know it was all crap."

Vala' lips curved into a rather enchanting smile that slowly spread up her face until it reached her eyes and then she laughed softly. "Well now you do," she said.

"Yes," he said, quietly, closing his eyes briefly and offering her a small nod. "Now I do."

She was quiet for a minute, and then she leaned back in her chair and looked right at him. "Can I ask you another question?" she said.

"Go on," he said, resisting the pedantic impulse to point out that she just had.

"And do you promise not to be all evasive and infuriating about it?"

"I'll try," he said, "although old habits die hard."

She let out a soft breath of laughter. "What are you going to do about it?" she said.

Cam paused, wondering what indeed he was going to do with the new information he had acquired. His eyes drifted over the remaining lime and salt on the table.

He fixed his gaze on hers, and said "Lets play the other game."


	2. Over the table

Sorry for how long this has taken to get up, real life got in the way and my muse has buggered off, if anyone finds it give it a kick up the arse and send it back to me.

Please let me know what you think of this, it's my first shot at writing this kind of thing. It's definitely not one for the kiddies...

***

Vala fell of her seat.

Cam didn't know if it was from the shock of what he had said or simply from the amount of alcohol they had both consumed, he was too busy trying to suppress his laughter to be certain.

When she didn't reappear immediately Cam took a deep breath in order to calm himself and then ducked his head under the table to make sure she was alright. The sight that greeted him was Vala lying flat on her back staring at the under side of the table and shaking with silent laughter. "Vala?"

When she didn't reply he slid off his chair, a little less gracefully and more rapidly than he intended, landing painfully on his knees and narrowly missing catching his chin on the table edge.

He crawled towards her, stopping next to her outstretched legs and squinting at her inquisitively, blinking to try and clear his head.

"Are you all right?" he said, offering her his hand.

She accepted it, and, despite the fact that she seemed altogether too floppy, he pulled her slightly more upright. She collapsed against his shoulder, giggling, her fingers scrabbling against his shirt for something to steady herself on, balling it into her fists.

"You know, " he said. He sat up straighter so she didn't pull him down with her, and promptly banged his head on the table. "Oww."

His hand darted up to his head, pressing the point where he'd hit it, trying to mollify the burning pain with his fingertips. He sucked in a breath through his teeth.

"Whatdyoudo?" Vala said, looking up from his chest. He pointed at his head, and she shuffled a bit closer and took his face in her hands, easing him towards her as she tilted his head down and looked at his crown for a moment. "S'not broken," she said, grinning as she tilted his head back. "You'll live."

"I'm not sure about that," he said, chuckling. "It's been a while since I had this much to drink."

"Feel like you might be on your way to a little dancing?" she said, her mouth quirking into a sly smile. "A little semi-nudity, possibly?"

"I think I can probably contain myself," he said, rubbing his head rather ineffectively.

"Spoilsport," she said, giggling as she dropped her hands heavily into her lap. She let out a long amused sigh.

"What about you?" he asked, smiling at her. "Are you all right? You fell off your chair – I didn't mean to – "

"Well," she said, brow creasing into a rather adorably mock-cross expression, "you can't spend weeks being all boring and responsible and then come out with a request like that." She folded her arms across her chest. "Thoughtless of you, really," she added, her words a little slurred, which completely undid any chastening effect her stern tone had, "not to give me some kind of warning."

He pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. "Sorry," he said. "You know, if I'd known you'd be this easy to bowl over – "

Vala slapped him on the arm, perhaps a little harder and less playfully than she intended, but he couldn't help smiling at the amused infuriation on her face, or the way the sudden movement had caused her to sway quite dramatically and then scrabble to steady herself.

When she had, they glanced at each other briefly, smiling slightly nervously.

"So what do you think?" he asked tentatively, wondering if she'd forgotten what caused her fall in the first place. "Are we going to...?"

Vala grinned, and flung her arm out from under the table, flailing wildly with it until it came into contact with the bottle of Tequila on the table top and then going back up for her shot glass.

She gave Cam a pointed look until he did the same and retrieved his own glass.

***

Vala tutted at the amount of Tequila she'd spilt on the floor then grinned at him rather impishly, her eyes just a little bit glazed.

"It's really _very _simple," she said, her words sliding into one another as she waved a hand vaguely over the salt and limes they'd assembled on the floor between them. She leant a bit further forward, studying his face intently with a playful glint in her eye. "You just need to decide where you want to put the salt," she said, poking him in the chest for emphasis before sitting back on her heels and watching him, giggling quietly to herself.

For a second he contemplated the possibilities. He wasn't entirely sure what the parameters of the game were, what might be allowed. He swallowed. "When you say decide where I want to put the salt," he said slowly, peering at her through half lidded eyes, "am I deciding where it goes on me, or…."

As he trailed off, unsure he really wanted to finish the thought, let alone the sentence, Vala's lips drew themselves up into a lopsided, suggestive smile. "_Or_," she said. He swallowed again, and she giggled at him.

A proverb about fortune favouring the bold drifted through his mind, but he wasn't entirely sure he remembered enough of it to pay it any attention. He reached for her hand.

"Cameron," she said, scolding him, "that's really not very..."

She stopped when he turned her hand over and lightly licked the inside of her wrist. As he looked up and raised an eyebrow at her, her mouth formed into an 'oh', although she didn't make any discernable sound. He forced himself not to look away as he shook the salt over it. "Now what?" he whispered.

She took his hand and turned it over slowly in hers. She twitched her eyebrows at him, and then lowered her tongue to his skin.

He shivered. All of a sudden he was glad he hadn't gone for anywhere more drastic.

The salt on his wrist sparkled slightly in the dim light of the kitchen, and he watched it, oddly fascinated by the tiny darts of light that glittered up at him. "Now," she said, her voice low and smiling, "it's just like we did it before. Ready?"

He nodded, and she raised an eyebrow at him rather disbelievingly as she offered him her wrist. She held his a little closer, swaying since she didn't have a free hand to prop herself up with anymore. "One, two, three," she said, slowly.

Cam wasn't quite sure if his skin under her tongue of hers under his was the more distraction sensation, but either way it was only when she reached for her glass that he remembered he was supposed to be doing the same. He knocked his shot back and then bit into his lime, shaking his head vigorously at the taste. She laughed, and he did too, although he wasn't entirely sure why. She shifted a little closer, tipping forward – he wasn't entirely sure intentionally – and resting her head on his shoulder. He sniggered at her, and she looked up at him, grinning at him from the crook of his neck. "How did I do?" he said.

"Very good," she replied.

"Thank you."

"You do have very comfy shoulders," she murmured.

He sniggered rather drunkenly.

She rested against him for a moment, and then, with some apparent considerable effort, she eased herself back up and re-filled their glasses, pinching her tongue between her lips as she concentrated on pouring, licking her fingers when she dribbled some on them. "Well," she said, "now you've got the hang of it, how about we try somewhere a bit more adventurous?"

Cam wondered if he'd ever been asked a more dangerous question.

***

_Fifteen shots: for Cam, five with weird lime and salt additions – two quite pleasant, one quite unpleasant, one utterly delightful owing to licking salt off Vala' delicate wrist, one absolutely terrifying, owing to licking salt off Vala' neck whilst having her do the same to him._

They both sat back. Cam wondered if he looked as startled as he felt. He idly wondered if she'd been able to feel his racing pulse as her tongue passed over the vein in his neck.

That had been….

Well, that had been….

***

_Minutes lost to startled silence and drunken grinning: two and a half._

"Where to next, Colonel?"

Cam swallowed. He hadn't the faintest idea what to suggest, and he felt his grin take a turn for the distinctly sheepish.

"Are you hairy?" Vala asked, gesturing vaguely to his body with a limp-wristed wave. Cam blinked, trying to clear his head. He wasn't sure what that had to do with anything.

"What?"

"Well," she said, leaning forward conspiratorially, steadying herself with one hand on his thigh, "I was going to suggest stomachs – because that's always fun, but…. Are you?"

"Vala, you've seen my chest, it's not changed in the last six months..." he said, his mouth having apparently decided to answer the question without involving his brain. Vala laughed.

"Game?" she said, raising her eyebrows at him.

His skin prickled. He couldn't be sure – because he'd had far too much to drink to be sure of anything other than that he'd had far too much to drink – but he thought that she was looking at him differently, as if she was just a little bit impressed with his actions so far.

He studied the floor for a moment, taking in the chill it cast on his fingers before raising his eyes back to hers.

"Always," he said.

***

_Seconds lost to pondering if this was a really bad idea or a really, really, good one: ten._

Vala settled back on the floor, grinning at him encouragingly, and Cam slowly hitched her shirt up a little, exposing a decent, but not inappropriate, work area above her belt and just over towards her hip. She shivered as his fingers brushed her skin, and he wondered if she was ticklish, or if it was just the chill of the floor on her exposed back.

From what he could see, she really did have a very nice stomach.

He considered his options for where to put the salt.

"Not going to chicken out are you?" she said, startling him out of the trance he'd apparently been in. He wondered how long he'd been staring, since marking the passage of time had been the very lowest of his brain's priorities.

"Certainly not. I'm a member of SG1, we never back down." He said, and she laughed.

He watched her stomach bob up and down for a moment, and then he settled on her hipbone, having decided that if he was only going to do this once, he might as well make it count.

Cam gently pulled the waistband of her trousers down to reveal a patch of black lace. He lowered his face and gently nudged it down with his nose and swept his tongue across the raised arch of Vala's hip bone. As he sprinkled on the salt, the fantastic ridiculousness of the situation seemed to dawn on him, and he laughed, scrambling across the floor to bring his lime and shot glass closer.

***

_Sixteen shots: for Cam, six with weird lime and salt additions: two quite pleasant, one quite unpleasant, one utterly delightful, one absolutely terrifying and one…well, one that he thought probably defied description. _

Cam thought he probably shouldn't think about Vala' stomach too much, or what he'd just done to it, especially when she had him pinned to the floor by his hips and was untucking his shirt.

He held his breath as her tongue passed over the skin next to his bellybutton, waiting until she'd bitten her lime to let out the sigh he'd been battling for minutes. Her giggle drifted up from his stomach, where she was apparently resting her head. Not that he minded; there was something comforting about the feel of her skin on his.

He expected her to move away, but rather than doing that, she pulled herself up his chest and settled there, looking down at him with a rather cheeky smile. She bit her lip, and their breath mingled as they laughed. He felt his hands settle on her waist, half-wondering why it didn't feel odd to have them there. "This is a very silly game, Vala," he said.

"And here I was, just about to say something nice to you," she said, shaking her head at him.

"I take it back, then," he said, intrigued. "This is not a very silly game _at all_."

She chuckled, and the vibration of her laugh went right through him. "What were you going to say?" he asked, barely registering the circles his fingers were stroking against her skin beneath her shirt.

"Just that you've got a very lickable stomach," she said, nodding once, very seriously. He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Is that a good thing?"

"Well that depends," she said, "on whether you liked having it licked or not."

"Hmm," he said, desperately battling the urge to laugh. "I suppose it does."

She rolled her eyes. "Never a straight answer," she said. He blinked with rather drunken confusion.

"Did you ask me a question?" he said.

She rested her elbow on his chest and attempted to prop herself up on her hand, missing it twice before finally managing to catch her chin with the heel of her hand. "It was implicated," she said. He tried desperately not to laugh.

"Implicit?" he said, although he felt that his answer would, indeed, have been implicating. She frowned.

"Yes," she said, pouting a little. "That's what I said."

He let out a soft amused snort at her indignation, and she raised her eyebrows at him as if she was still very much expecting an answer. "I did like it," he said, "so I suppose it's a good thing you think it's lickable. Even though that's not a real word." She gave him a quick admonishing glare. "Sorry," he muttered through a chuckle.

"Good," she said, grinning. "And since you're being all – " she took a deep breath as she tried to find the right word, puffing out her cheeks and then letting it out as a long sigh as she thought, " – not quite as infuriating and bastardish as you usually are – "

He took the opportunity to look a little mock-offended, but she just giggled at him. " – I think I should make the most of it," she said. He wondered what on earth she meant and offered her a rather worried frown. She rolled her eyes at him. "Don't panic," she said. "I'm just going to ask you the teensiest little question."

"Oh," he said. He wasn't particularly reassured, but he didn't really feel up to protesting.

"Do you still think I'm adorable when I'm drunk?" she said.

The thought flashed through his mind that that was an infinitely more dangerous question than the one about where he wanted to put the salt, and really didn't qualify for use of the word 'teensiest'.

There was nothing teeny about it.

For a second he contemplated lying or trying to dodge the question, but he found he really didn't want to. He avoided her gaze, and smiled slightly. "I think you're adorable all the time," he said quietly, and for a second his breathing felt oddly constricted.

"Really?"

He grinned and met her eye, sniggering a little. He just couldn't resist it. "No," he said.

She glared at him, even though she was laughing too, and then freed her hand from underneath her head and swatted him on the shoulder, quite hard in her drunken enthusiasm. He winced, shying away from her hand as he laughed.

"Are you lying?"

He slid his hand up her back, playing with the ends of her hair as he eased her face closer to his. "Yes," he said.

"Bastard."

Before he could over-think things or talk himself out of it, he lifted his head a little and brushed his lips over hers. It was just the briefest flutter of a kiss – he thought he probably could've passed it off as a friendly gesture, were it not for the fact that they both knew it wasn't, and had she not have had him pinned to the floor underneath his kitchen table.

He pulled away just far enough to look into her eyes, to see what she thought. He thought she was smiling, although she was so close it was hard to tell.

"You kissed me," she said.

"Yes. Glad you noticed."

"Don't women normally notice when you kiss them?" she said.

"Well there have been a few occasions…." he said, adopting a look of entirely mock anguish. "I'd prefer not to talk about it."

She sniggered, and his chest fluttered. Why had he never noticed how much he liked to make her laugh?

"What happened to your 'must be in full control of everything' attitude." She said softly.

He smiled slightly at the way she'd stumbled over the words.

"The brain cells that think that are lolling about pissed somewhere," he said, waving his hand dismissively, even though he couldn't remember ever feeling less dismissive about anything. "They'll be very cross with me in the morning. Give me a good telling off, one of those headaches that makes you feel like there are elephants tap-dancing on your cranium."

Her eyes widened as if she was genuinely concerned for him, rather than just playing along, and he couldn't help but feel a little twist in his chest at how endearing that was.

"What'll you do?" she said.

"I'll tell them that it's their own fault for getting pissed and leaving the rest of me to my own devices," he said.

She considered him for a moment, and his eyes roved her face, trying to figure out what she might be thinking. He drew a blank.

And then, she grabbed his face and crushed her lips against his, making her thoughts entirely apparent.

For a second he was too surprised to do anything.

But only for a second.

He kissed her back, slipping his fingers into her hair and pulling her closer. He couldn't quite believe it was happening. He accepted it as he would have a dream, it couldn't be real, and therefore he could do anything he wanted, as the normal rules that would stop him from doing it didn't exist.

The kiss grew slowly deeper, and she tasted of tequila. He supposed he must too. She was infinitely more intoxicating than the drink, though. She made his head spin and his legs go weak and if he hadn't been lying down he thought that he probably would've toppled over.

She ran her fingers gently over his jaw, and he realised that he really _was_ kissing her, that, unreal as this felt, this wasn't some day-dream or idle thought-inspired fantasy. The lips moving over his were real, the hair beneath his fingers was real, the sensations… He swallowed. They were all too real.

"This is probably a very bad idea," he said, murmuring the words between kisses, not sure whether he really meant them or not.

"Uh-huh," she said, nodding, even though the way she was taking his lip between hers seemed to indicate she thought otherwise

"We're very different," he muttered, and she pulled back just a little.

"Well you are a pathetic, wan– "

"Evasive," he said, steering her lips back to his. "Don't forget evasive."

She let out a soft snigger against his lips. "You're a pathetic, evasive, wanker," she said, holding his face in place and pressing her lips back to his.

"And you're annoyingly chipper," he said, returning the kiss with just a touch more pressure.

"And you're boring," she purred, shifting down a little to kiss his neck. He chuckled, wondering if the word 'boring' had ever sounded sexier. "And far too sensible. And a total git."

"And you never know when to be quiet."

She pulled away, open-mouthed with indignation. Her eyes swept over him and her hands on his shoulders appraisingly. "I suppose you want me to let you go, then," she said.

"Actually, no," he said, tightening his grip on her. She looked a little startled, and he grinned, rolling her over. She let out a surprised giggle as he settled against her, pinning her to the floor.

"I thought you thought I was annoyingly chipper?" she said, wide-eyed but grinning.

"I do. You are."

She offered him an adorable puzzled frown. "But, well…." He trailed off, lightly stroking her neck with the very tips of his fingers. "You see – " He paused to follow the path his fingers had taken down her throat with kisses, and then traced a new one back up again to her ear. He lowered his voice to little more than a flirty whisper, breathing his words against her hair. " – it does appear that – " He kissed his way along her jaw and back to her lips, and then met her eye. He tilted his head down, peering up at her through his lashes as he raised one eyebrow. " – I do fancy you just a little bit after all."

She smiled and bit her lip. "Oh," she said. He returned his lips to hers earnestly, and this time, neither of them could think of anything that needed saying.

The intensity of it all took him a little by surprise, although he wasn't entirely sure why. He ran his hand down her side and pulled her closer, enjoying the sensation of her wrapping her arms around his neck and running her hands through his hair nearly as much as he was enjoying having her body moving against his.

He was just wondering where this could possibly be leading – or more precisely, if it was wise to let it lead where he thought it was leading – when the front door opened.

"Cam? You here? Is Vala with you?" Sam's voice rang out through the apartment.

They both stopped, but springing apart didn't really seem an option. Vala' hands drifted out of his hair, and he removed his hand from where it had been – toying with the place he'd put salt earlier. Cam peered out into the kitchen, even though he knew who it was.

From under the table they could see Sam's green combat clad legs come to stand beside them and then she ducked down to their level.

"Not interrupting anything, am I?" Sam asked, trying very hard to suppress a snigger at her two friend's situation.

Cam shot Vala a guilty and embarrassed glance, and she covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a giggle.

"No," Cam said, grimacing at Vala, painfully aware that their bodies were still pressed together and telling an entirely different story. She bit her lip and laughed a little, her eyes sparkling at him and making his insides do things they hadn't done in quite a while.

He lifted himself off her and sat up, smacking his head on the table. Vala giggled, and pushed herself more upright, leaning on her elbows. He rubbed his head.

"So what have you two been up to?" Sam's asked in what Cam interpreted as either a deeply amused or annoyed way.

"We were just – " Cam started. He looked desperately at Vala, who shrugged and grinned.

"Yes?" Sam said, cocking an eyebrow at them.

"We were – " He gestured at Vala for support, for some lie that would explain what he was doing trapped under a kitchen table in the small hours of the morning with a woman he'd vehemently denied fancying, and who was, technically, married. " – looking for something," he said, wincing at his own lame excuse.

Did you find it?"

"Er – " Cam screwed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead. "Not yet," he said. It was the best he could come up with under the circumstances.

"Half the base has been looking for you Vala but now I see you're in quite" She snorted slightly, "Capable hands." Her feet turned away and headed for the door. "Although if I may make a suggestion, unless it's teeth you're searching for, you might want to look somewhere other than each other's mouths."

The door swung closed behind Sam, and Cam blinked a couple of times and then ran his hands over his face. It didn't have much of a sobering effect, although Sam's appearance certainly had.

"And the award for World's Worst Timing goes to…." Vala said, before dissolving into a fit of giggles.

"Quite," Cam said. He gestured to the rest of the kitchen. "Shall we?" Vala nodded.

He crawled out from underneath the table, and when she followed, clutching the bottle, he offered her a hand up from the floor. He pulled her to her feet and they both staggered a little. She rested against the table for support, and he grabbed the back of one of the chairs, swaying slightly.

He didn't have the faintest idea what he was supposed to do or say next, he looked to Vala for some indication, but she was just grinning, and he couldn't work out if it was a shy grin, or just a drunken one. He thought his own expression might be something along the startled rabbit line.

***

_Minutes passed in uncomfortable silence: three and three quarters._

"Screw it." Cam mumbled to himself before launching himself forward and backing Vala up against the table.

"Couldn't agree more Colonel." Vala managed to get out before Cam's lips crashed into hers, the gentle teasing and exploring or minutes before evaporating.

His hands snaked down Vala's sides to her hips before rounding to her bum. Vala gave a startled yelp as he grasped her and lifted her onto the table top before she wrapped her legs around his hips, drawing him closer until they where pressed completely against each other. She let out a low chuckle as Cam groaned at the contact and she abandoned his lips to nibble her way up his jaw to his ear. His hands slipped under her shirt as her tongue traced the shell of his ear and she let out a long, hot, breath when his fingers ghosted the underside of her breasts.

"Jesus..." Cam gasped, how had he not noticed that Vala had been sitting in front of him all night with out wearing a bra? "You're a very naughty girl." He teased as he pinched her nipple. Vala's only response was an involuntary thrust of her hips against his and when he twisted them sharply she groaned and sucked his ear lobe into her mouth.

No longer able to resist temptation Cam ripped the shirt over Vala's head and threw it behind him before beginning his exploration of the porcelain skin he had just unveiled. His lips trailed down her neck and he paused for a moment to lavish attention on the spot where her pulse beat against her skin, nipping it gently and sucking on it until Vala wreathed and tugged at his hair, forcing his head lower.

His stubble scratched against her soft skin causing them both to shiver.

"Cameron." She half moaned, half begged, her fingers scratching his scalp. The action made him groan into her skin and he finally lowered his head to take her taunt nipple into his mouth while his other hand continued to pinch and twist the other. He felt her tense as the waves of pleasure settled low in her abdomen and her hands left his hair to clutch at his shoulders. He pulled away from her long enough to drag his shirt over his head and when her hands once again returned to his shoulders, her nails clawed at his skin and sent jolts of lust straight to his groin. As his mouth continued its torment on her nipples his other hand snaked down to clutch at her hip and drag her forward to perch on the edge of the table.

Vala's groan of protest as Cam's mouth left her aching nipples changed to one of frustration as he trailed ghosting kisses down her stomach and dipped his tongue into her bell button while his hands made quick work of the buttons and fly of her jeans. She raised her hips instinctively and there was a rustle of cloth as they hit the floor and where kicked to the side. The smell of her hit Cameron's nostrils and he inhaled deeply before pressing an open mouth kiss to her soaking panties.

Vala squirmed and her hips jutted forward begging for more contact and for the cloth barrier between her and his mouth to be removed. Cam couldn't repress the smirk that came to his lips when he felt her thighs quiver around his neck and he thrust his tongue harder against her. Vala's hands snaked back into his hair and she dragged him back up her body to place a searing kiss to his lips, her hands reaching for his belt and within moments his trousers fell around his ankles and her hand had slipped inside his boxers.

Her hand curled around him and squeezed slightly, causing Cam the most exquisite pleasure he had ever encountered. He thrust involuntarily into her hand and when she smiled against his lips he took her lower lip into his mouth and bit down on it gently. Her hand released him and trailed up to run her thumb around the moisture that had gathered at his head. Vala's small feet stroked up the backs of his legs and Cam let out a strangled gasp when she raised them further to his hips and used them to drag his boxers down to join his trousers at his ankles.

Cam was too distracted by the move to realise that her talented legs had stretched out behind him and dragged a chair across the floor.

"How does the song go Cameron?" Vala asked breathily, "Save the horse, ride the cowboy?"

She gave him a wicked look before pushing back on his shoulders and he fell into the chair behind him, his hands still gripping tightly to her hips. Before she could take the step forward that would bring her between his legs his hands dragged her black panties down her legs, his nails scarping against the smooth skin of her thighs. And then she was straddling him, her hot core hovering above him and it took all his restraint not to just thrust into her.

"Vala" he groaned, unaware if it was a call for her to stop or carry on, his hands grasping her hips so tightly that he knew they would be bruised once this was over. She slid down onto him tantalisingly slowly and he felt a shiver run through her whole being as their hips finally pressed against each other.

He stared up at her for a moment, her hair wild and face flushed, finally understanding how people could have been deceived into believing this woman was a goddess. She was sin incarnate as she began to move above him, her hands grasping his shoulders and her head thrown back so as her perfect breasts where level with his face and simply too tempting to not take back into his mouth.

"Cameron!" The word spilled from her mouth in a strangled cry as he began to match her movements with ones of his own, thrusting deeper and harder as he felt her begin to tighten around him. Their pace grew more rapid and Vala leaned even further back, the tips of her long dark hair brushing against his feet, and Cam slid his hands from their tight grasp on her hips to her back to support her.

Knowing he wouldn't last much longer and that she was on the edge Cam renewed his attack on her breast, lavishing her nipples with his tongue until he could feel her toes curl against his calves and her thighs quivered in anticipation. Using all the strength he had left Cam stood from the chair, Vala instinctively wrapping her legs around him, and stumbled the three steps back to the table, laying her down on top of it. Vala's hand fisted again in his short hair as she dragged his mouth back to hers and ravished it as well as he was ravishing her body.

And then suddenly Vala's mouth was slack against his own, a desperate counterpoint to the tension that coursed through the rest of her body, her moan of satisfaction caught in her throat as even the need to breath was overridden by her orgasm and her back arched with her spasmodically thrusting hips. The sensation of her rippling around him and the heat that flowed over him was enough to trigger Cam's own orgasm and with one last deep thrust he collapsed on top of her, his face burrowing into her hair.

***

_Minutes lost due to mind blowing orgasm: 3 and a half._

Cam lay with his eyes closed tightly less he open them and find it was all a dream and Vala gently caressing the back of his head almost absentmindedly. When he finally regained the strength Cam lifted himself off of Vala enough to look her in the eye.

He stared for a long moment searching her eyes for any trace of regret but he smiled with he found none and could only see acceptance and contentment staring back at him from silver orbs.

"Come out on a date with me?" It was asked as a question but it held no fear of what her answer may be.

"We'll flip a coin on it." Vala told him, all traces of her earlier drunkenness now gone, dissolved in a sea of spent hormones, leaving nothing but her usual teasing tone. "Heads I'll go on a date with you..."

"And tales?" He asked, totally amused at the situation of asking the woman who was still naked beneath him out on a date and her mock indecision on wither to take him up on it.

"Then we'll just flip it again."


End file.
